These Are Not the Masks You‘re Looking For…

Scene: Jenkins, a product manager at Disney, reports to his Boss about Disney’s new licensed Star Wars masks for COVID-19…

Jenkins: “Hey boss! We’ve got those Star Wars face masks for sale on the website.”

Boss: “Great! People need to be wearing masks, and we have some iconic masked characters: Darth Vader, Boba Fett, Kylo Ren, The Mandalorian…”

Jenkins: “Um…”

Boss: “What?”

Jenkins: “It’s just, um. Those are all excellent suggestions, sir. It’s just that… We didn’t make those.”

Boss: “Oh. Huh. Well… Ok. Decided to do with Storm Troopers then?”

Jenkins: “Oh… Storm Troopers… Yeah that would have been a good one…”

Boss: “…”

Jenkins: “…”

Boss: “So what did you…”

Jenkins: “We’ve got an R2D2…”

Boss: “Oh, the gold droid who talks a lot? I lov—”

Jenkins: “Um, no sir, that’s C3PO… He’d be a good one, though, I’ll write that down. We did the other one.”

Boss: “You did a mask of a droid… but not the one whose head is shaped like… a head?”

Jenkins: “Yes sir… We have some others.”

Boss: “Show me…”

Jenkins: “This one features the 1977 cast…”

Boss: “1977… Jenkins, you do know we’ve made a few more of these movies since then, right?”

Jenkins: “But this is iconic artwork, sir…”

Boss: “Why does Leia look like she’s one of Luke’s legs? And… is she wearing a turtleneck? And a tiara for a belt?”

Jenkins: “Sir, you mentioned our newer properties, I think you’ll really like this one, it has iconic symbols from the new movies.”

Boss: “Not those stupid dice, I hope…”

Jenkins: “No, sir, we’ve gotten rid of those, as you asked. Look here.”

Boss: “What are these?”

Jenkins: “Those are symbols of the rebellion.”

Boss: “That one looks like the adapter I used to have to use for my 45 RPM albums.”

Jenkins: “Sir?”

Boss: “Nevermind. Who is the guy with the tusks?”

Jenkins: “You know, sir, that’s… um… Darth… Tuskus…”

Boss: “Where are the X-Wings?”

Jenkins: “Oh, um…”

Boss: “You said iconic symbols. I don’t see an X-Wing, or a TIE Fighter, or even a lightsaber. Those are pretty important symbols of Star Wars, right? How about the Millenium Falcon?”

Jenkins: “You’re going to love this last one. It’s ‘The Child’…”

Boss: “Who?”

Jenkins: “‘The Child’? From ‘The Mandalorian’?”

Boss: “You mean ‘Baba Yoda’?”

Jenkins: “Actu— Yes. Baby Yoda, sir. You’re going to love this one.”

Boss: “Jenkins. Did you cut off Baby Yoda’s ears?”

Jenkins: “No no no. See, of you hold the elastics out like this, see how it kind of looks like the shape of ears?”

Boss: “When people wear this mask, are those elastics going to stick out like that?”

Jenkins: “Um. No?”

Boss: “No, they’re not. So it’s just going to look like they’re wearing a mask with Baby Yoda’s ears cut off.”

Jenkins: “I…”

Boss: “Get out.”

Jenkins: “Yes, sir. I’ll bring your ideas to the team.”

Boss: (pushing button under desk) “I don’t mean out of my office. I mean out of the building. These men will show you the way. We’ll send your last check to you.”