These Are Not the Masks You‘re Looking For…

Scene: Jenkins, a product manager at Disney, reports to his Boss about Disney’s new licensed Star Wars masks for COVID-19…

Jenkins: “Hey boss! We’ve got those Star Wars face masks for sale on the website.”

Boss: “Great! People need to be wearing masks, and we have some iconic masked characters: Darth Vader, Boba Fett, Kylo Ren, The Mandalorian…”

Jenkins: “Um…”

Boss: “What?”

Jenkins: “It’s just, um. Those are all excellent suggestions, sir. It’s just that… We didn’t make those.”

Boss: “Oh. Huh. Well… Ok. Decided to do with Storm Troopers then?”

Jenkins: “Oh… Storm Troopers… Yeah that would have been a good one…”

Boss: “…”

Jenkins: “…”

Boss: “So what did you…”

Jenkins: “We’ve got an R2D2…”

Boss: “Oh, the gold droid who talks a lot? I lov—”

Jenkins: “Um, no sir, that’s C3PO… He’d be a good one, though, I’ll write that down. We did the other one.”

Boss: “You did a mask of a droid… but not the one whose head is shaped like… a head?”

Jenkins: “Yes sir… We have some others.”

Boss: “Show me…”

Jenkins: “This one features the 1977 cast…”

Boss: “1977… Jenkins, you do know we’ve made a few more of these movies since then, right?”

Jenkins: “But this is iconic artwork, sir…”

Boss: “Why does Leia look like she’s one of Luke’s legs? And… is she wearing a turtleneck? And a tiara for a belt?”

Jenkins: “Sir, you mentioned our newer properties, I think you’ll really like this one, it has iconic symbols from the new movies.”

Boss: “Not those stupid dice, I hope…”

Jenkins: “No, sir, we’ve gotten rid of those, as you asked. Look here.”

Boss: “What are these?”

Jenkins: “Those are symbols of the rebellion.”

Boss: “That one looks like the adapter I used to have to use for my 45 RPM albums.”

Jenkins: “Sir?”

Boss: “Nevermind. Who is the guy with the tusks?”

Jenkins: “You know, sir, that’s… um… Darth… Tuskus…”

Boss: “Where are the X-Wings?”

Jenkins: “Oh, um…”

Boss: “You said iconic symbols. I don’t see an X-Wing, or a TIE Fighter, or even a lightsaber. Those are pretty important symbols of Star Wars, right? How about the Millenium Falcon?”

Jenkins: “You’re going to love this last one. It’s ‘The Child’…”

Boss: “Who?”

Jenkins: “‘The Child’? From ‘The Mandalorian’?”

Boss: “You mean ‘Baba Yoda’?”

Jenkins: “Actu— Yes. Baby Yoda, sir. You’re going to love this one.”

Boss: “Jenkins. Did you cut off Baby Yoda’s ears?”

Jenkins: “No no no. See, of you hold the elastics out like this, see how it kind of looks like the shape of ears?”

Boss: “When people wear this mask, are those elastics going to stick out like that?”

Jenkins: “Um. No?”

Boss: “No, they’re not. So it’s just going to look like they’re wearing a mask with Baby Yoda’s ears cut off.”

Jenkins: “I…”

Boss: “Get out.”

Jenkins: “Yes, sir. I’ll bring your ideas to the team.”

Boss: (pushing button under desk) “I don’t mean out of my office. I mean out of the building. These men will show you the way. We’ll send your last check to you.”

One thought on “These Are Not the Masks You‘re Looking For…

  1. TJ, That was awesome it was the first time I read it. You are something else again great job!


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